I found out yesterday that my old webpage is going to vanish from the face of the internet. My first webpage, my past thoughts, feelings, pain, hope.... etc...
The service which hosts it is shutting down later this year.
I'm glad I found out before it happened as I don't really have a backup of the page i created 3 or 4 computers ago LOL...
So, I've been downloading all the pages, so that I don't lose them, and decided I will create a new webpage. When I have it up and running, with all the old stuff, I will probably transfer all the posts on this blog onto it also.
I'm undecided whether or not to delete this after I've got the other one running.. If anyone cares either way, please comment :)
Also, any suggestions for title of the new webpage are welcome... I've noticed in my past writings as i downloaded them several references to Phoenix - "the phoenix rises again" type phrases which I found amusing as I have used the same phrases in my recent thoughts and conversations lol, so i wondered if I should incorporate that.
Just doesn't seem right to keep the old webpage name, when so much of my life has changed.
Saturday, April 25, 2009
Saturday, April 4, 2009
Freedom?
She's finally gone, thank goodness... I can stop pretending I don't hate her for what she did to me.
Its not the fact that she left me that hurts, or the fact that she left me for another woman... No, its the way she treated me.
Not just before, but during the last 3 weeks, when her girlfriend was here and they were staying at her mothers house, I tried so hard to just get things sorted out, while working, studying and adjusting to being a single mum...
But they made things difficult at every turn. Rent is two weeks late because she had the money that should have been for me and our child, I even packed up all her stuff to help and she didn't even have the decency to move it out while I was here, instead bringing HER into MY house while I was working and studying. Left everything that needed to be done to the last minute, making my stress levels soar...
Saying she wants to talk to me, saying she wants to be my friend, but never actually doing it, or acting like it.
Blaming the new gf, of course, always there are excuses, but the day before they met she said 'we will be friends, I'll catch up with you for coffee sometimes before I go, and she'll just have to deal with it" So what happened to that huh? Not that I really wanted to, but she could have treated me better throughout the whole thing, at least shown some respect for me. Dealt with things that needed to be done.
I'm not surprised. I should have known, I probably did know, really... But respect and a little consideration is all I wanted from her, and she couldn't even give me that.
But now I am free...
Free to pay off a few debts she helped create, free to raise a child alone that we both committed to, free to feed her fucking cats until she decides she'd like to come back to australia...
But free to spend my time doing what I like (within reason... child considered), free to make my own choices, free to make something of my life, decide where my money is spent... Free.
Its not the fact that she left me that hurts, or the fact that she left me for another woman... No, its the way she treated me.
Not just before, but during the last 3 weeks, when her girlfriend was here and they were staying at her mothers house, I tried so hard to just get things sorted out, while working, studying and adjusting to being a single mum...
But they made things difficult at every turn. Rent is two weeks late because she had the money that should have been for me and our child, I even packed up all her stuff to help and she didn't even have the decency to move it out while I was here, instead bringing HER into MY house while I was working and studying. Left everything that needed to be done to the last minute, making my stress levels soar...
Saying she wants to talk to me, saying she wants to be my friend, but never actually doing it, or acting like it.
Blaming the new gf, of course, always there are excuses, but the day before they met she said 'we will be friends, I'll catch up with you for coffee sometimes before I go, and she'll just have to deal with it" So what happened to that huh? Not that I really wanted to, but she could have treated me better throughout the whole thing, at least shown some respect for me. Dealt with things that needed to be done.
I'm not surprised. I should have known, I probably did know, really... But respect and a little consideration is all I wanted from her, and she couldn't even give me that.
But now I am free...
Free to pay off a few debts she helped create, free to raise a child alone that we both committed to, free to feed her fucking cats until she decides she'd like to come back to australia...
But free to spend my time doing what I like (within reason... child considered), free to make my own choices, free to make something of my life, decide where my money is spent... Free.
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