Why am I here?
Well first... For your benefit.. Where am I?
Physically, on top of a big 'sandhill' which was quite a strenous walk. Which leads me to realise just how unfil I am!
Psychologically, I'm not sure where I am. Lost in thought, as I always seem to be... So many trails of thought at the same time I get lost in them. I think too much...
Why am I here? I needed a change of scenery, a quiet place to think, I needed to be near nature, needed that peaceful feeling I only get in natural places.
This place isn't ideal, but it's close enough for now.
One of my more constant trails of thought is becoming a bit of a pain in the ass.. A problem...
I keep thinking about a friend I am missing, keep living little scenarios in my head of seeing her, or her visiting unexpectedly, talking, whatever... And I keep telling myself STOP IT! (out loud O_o) But it doesn't stop.
I care about her a lot, she is one of my best friends. About a month back, after we'd been spending a lot of time together, she suddenly seemed to start avoiding me. I know she is going through some hard personal times and I respect that but its driving me nuts and I don't understand why I can't just stop worrying about it, obsessing about it, and either wait it out patiently or cut my losses and simply move on.
Lack of closure I guess... Not knowing why, if I did something, or if there is some other reason I don't know of... Not knowing how long it will continue, how long should I 'wait'?
It is so distracting... It doesn't just sit in the back of my mind it sits in the FRONT and I can't push it back... It keeps me from doing other things I need or want to do because I cannot focus my thoughts on anything else.
I don't know what to do, if I should do anything, and I wish I could just stop thinking about it!!
