Mostly Content

Now that I'm over the initial adjustment to being single after a long term relationship, gotten used to being alone, re-found my appreciation of alone-time... I think I'm bordering on content. I have enough contact with other people most of the time, that I'm not going nuts (althought there was a time during the holidays that I was suffering). I am enjoying being single, I don't feel the need to have that kind of relationship, possibly because I think I would lose more than I gain.
I've rediscovered so many of the simple things I used to enjoy but havn't been able to do for so long, skills I somehow lost are returning, I have opportunity to do many of the things I enjoy.
I don't even have time to do a bit of everything I like/want to do, so if I was in a relationship, I would have even less time to do those things.
I have the opportunity to pursue my own personal growth, and concentrate on raising my daughter to the best of my abilities. Both things that a relationship would probably distract me from.

To be honest, the thought of having a relationship actually scares me. I guess that could be considered a bad thing, but I guess as long as I'm happy, its not a problem.
In my experience, relationships don't provide me with long term happiness, so what's the point?
I have my special girl, who gives me so much joy, as she learns and grows and develops her wonderful (and often challenging) personality...
We have become so close since its been just us, and I wouldn't change the way we are for anything.
I have few friends, but I know those I have appreciate my friendship. They make an effort, and so do I, balance in such things is important to me.
I do feel I lack a "best friend" at the moment, as someone who I did think filled that role has pretty much slipped out of my life for the moment.. But I am patient and I'm sure someone else I can *click* with will come along in time.

So.. In my personal/social/emotional life, I conclude that I am relatively content, for the moment... Which is nice. Of course I have moments, hours, days here and there when I do not feel so good, when I am lonely and/or depressed and/or angry... But they are the exception rather than the rule so I can deal with that.

Finances on the other hand, are a completely different matter!!!

Reality?

Once upon a time, I was a good person.
Then I felt the need to experience what it was like to be a bad person.
So people came into my life to help me learn what it was to be a bad person, and I was. I experienced that.
Then I decided it was time to end that.
And someone came into my life who wanted to change me into what she thought was a good person. And I let her.
But she had only her own interests at heart and warped me to suit those interests.
What she created was not truly good, and not what she truly wanted, deep down. So she was not happy.
She could not sustain what she had created, as it did not suit her needs, no matter how hard I tried. So she looked elsewhere, neglecting and abusing her creation.
So she looked elsewhere, and eventually abandoned what she had created.
I have experienced so much, allowed others to guide me, mould me, into what they wanted, in the pursuit of experience, knowledge, understanding...
That I no longer know who, what I am.
I am a combination of experiences so diverse that a single personality cannot express them all.

I am the good person
I am the bad person
I am the many people that have been created to suit others
I am, as I have always been... A figment of your imagination.
But I do not know, who is the real person.