Fighting

Yesterday I was having a private conversation online with a friend. I feel I have a right to privacy, I'm technically single right now, I should be able to talk about whatever I want, with whoever I want, without fear of judgement or interrogation.. Shouldn't I?

Well anyway.. She woke up, and wandered out to talk to me.. I said brb in the chat window, and closed it.. While she was talking to me, looking at everything on my screen (and making judgements on people she didn't know from forum posts I was reading that had nothing to do with her), the reply 'kk' came back from my friend.
She asked what it was about.. I said I just said brb, she said kk.
"Where are you going?" she half-laughed then.. "Or are you talking about me... What are you talking about?"
"Its private" I replied.
She got a bit angry.. "What are you talking about that is private from me? We're supposed to be best friends, be honest with each other... Are you talking about me?"
To be honest, I was actually talking with my friend about feelings we have for each other, the possibility of exploring those feelings in the future... We were being affectionate... But I don't think she is ready to hear about that yet, considering she still wants to hide the fact that we have broken up from our RL friends and family, so I lied. I said yes, I'm talking about you, but it is a private conversation!
She was not impressed... Wanted to know what I was saying about her that she wouldn't like.
I got a bit angry myself.. I said I think I have the right to have private conversations, all things considered! I don't come and stare at your screen reading all your private conversations!
She got angry and brought up the whole me reading her chat logs issue (which I don't do anymore) and recording her. Apparently she had opened one of the recordings from my recent documents list one day when she was using my computer for something.
She asked me how I recorded her, and why, I told her how... Then I told her why. I said the lies were driving me crazy, literally, I was obsessed, I had to know the truth and she wasn't telling me, so I went to any lengths I could to find the truth.
She asked why I was reading chat logs with other people not just (the other woman) and I explained that I knew she was lying to her about some things too (like that we were seperated), so I was looking to see if I could find out *who* she was lying to about what...
She told me thats like stalking... I agreed. It was.. But if I hadn't done it I would have ended up killing myself, I needed the truth, because the lies hurt more than the truth. I said I stopped, as soon as she stopped lying to me.
As for what I talked about regarding her... I said I talk about how I'm feeling, etc.. She said why can't I talk about that with her? What am I saying that I don't want her to know... She wanted an example. I was angry at that point, so I came out with something along the lines of "If you must know, I talk about how I get scared, that you and her won't work out and then you'll try to have me back! That idea hurts me, because I am not in love with you anymore!"
She seemed to calm down a bit then... She said "so when you say maybe one day way down the track... You don't mean that?"
I replied "When I say that I mean a very long way down the track, and its a big maybe, because at the moment, I cannot see it happening, don't want it to happen. Why do you think I try so hard to help you deal with her? I told you, you're all hers, didn't I? I meant it. I want you to work out."

So we had the usual conversation about how she doesn't want to lose my friendship and wants to be able to trust me, that I know she is paranoid and hiding things from her makes it worse... I said when I talk about her its not all bad, I'm not trying to make her look bad, its usually about how I feel and trying to figure out what to do... But I need that privacy, because sometimes I am talking about something private to me, or private to the other person.
Obviously I apologised for the whole stalking thing :P

I don't think she will be comfortable with the privacy thing for a while yet, might take a few fights, lol...

She had a bad day with the other woman too... She is going nuts from jealousy... She doesn't like that we spend time together, that we still live together...
She doesn't trust me, not that she really needs to, it is her girlfriend she should be trusting... She projects a persona onto me that isn't me.. Doesn't matter how many times she is told that I am being supportive, that I don't want my ex back, etc... She is still so insecure that she gets angry every day.
Apparently she hates me, doesn't want to talk to me. I suggested that if she did talk to me then maybe I could put her mind at rest.. Tell her I want them to work out, because I want to be able to get on with my own life. But my ex doesn't seem to even consider it.

Its a shame, because I would like to help... What the other woman doesn't realise is all she is doing is pushing her away... Back to me, if I would have her. The silly bitch has no idea that I am trying to HELP her, trying to repair damage that she does with her mood swings and anger and jealousy.
Kinda ironic, huh.