Right now, I'm not feeling anything much. Which feels nice. Does that make sense? Probably not.
Maybe its not so much that I'm not feeling, but more than I am not thinking so much.
Not thinking means not hurting.
I'm relaxed. It feels strange. Peaceful.
If I close my eyes and just... Relax, I feel such strange sensations.
Waves of vibration flowing through my body, up and down my limbs, rippling across my torso, swirling around my scalp...
It fascinates me, and it has been a long time since I could just sit and feel that. A long time have not needed to be doing something. Distracted by something.
In a need to express this moment... I write.
And now, something has happened, such a little thing, that has torn that feeling, or lack of it, away.
The sinking feeling is back in my gut, the feeling of being unable to breathe properly, the heat, like I'm burning up, slowly but surely...
Dizziness and shakiness. And the only thing that I could do to make this feeling go away for good, is to tear my own heart out, throw it into the face of the woman I love, and walk away, never to return.
Metaphorically speaking of course... I wouldn't be able to get far after literally tearing my own heart out could I?
I guess its not even possible, literally... But sometimes... I wish I could.
No comments:
Post a Comment