Has anything changed?

Ok so... As the previous post told, yesterday I got her to admit to having cybersex... Along with a lot of excuses, of course....
What actually spurred me to force the issue is the fact that she is making herself sick over it all... Her throat is constantly sore from lying all the time, her self esteem, self image is absolutely disgusting, to the point where she is watching "pro ana" videos (promoting anorexia- videos with photos and inspiring words to encourage you to starve yourself).
The guilt is driving her crazy and it is so sad.... I may be angry and hurt by her behaviour... But to see her torturing herself that way isn't very pleasant.
She is essentially an honest person... Manipulative and controlling, yes... But she's never lied so much and the guilt is literally making her ill, mentally and physically.
After the cybersex issue was out in the open... She woke up the next morning and felt like she't lost 5kg or so... Just as an example of the direct result to her self image after releasing that one lie.

But there are more lies she still will not admit to.
About having told (the other woman) that she is going to leave me (but can't yet), etc etc....
I even said to her, last night, if she thinks she will be happier with (the other woman), maybe she should be with her. I practically tried to convince her!
I said... You need someone strong, stubborn... Someone who will make you help yourself... I'm not strong enough to do that, I let you walk over me I tell you that if you want to change, you need to put some effort in, but I don't make you do it.
She did say that she 'doesn't know what to do about her'.
That she understands (the other woman) so well, helps her so much... But she's always so cranky... But (the other woman) might not understand her so much...
But even after that, she wouldn't admit to planning to leave me, except that they do 'what ifs' and role-play.

So the very next morning, I figure it might be interesting to see if anything has changed... See if she even tries to tell (the other woman) that things have to change, that she wants to work out our relationship... See if she stops talking to her about their future together... etc....

the first thing of interest that I could hear clearly (because she got quite agitated and therefore louder), was a discussion about (our foster daughter).
"maybe halfway through the week I'd ring up and see how she's...."
"I don't have to its just..."
"I don't, I feel obligated, I feel obligated ok?"
"its not like... a real mother/daughter bond or anything its..."
"its not like that its just... I feel obligated thats all it is and I'm sure it'll go away"
"no I don't have to thats fine, its just... What?"
"no, I don't... I feel obligated to (talk to?) (our foster daughter) not (me).... No, I do... it is (our foster daughter)"
"..... hun we just won't have her on weekends... I'll just go and see her, pick her up and take her somewhere.. for two hours.... and take her back."

If she is saying there, what I think she is saying? That is really quite depressing... We've known this child her entire 4 years of life, she has been fully in our care for 2 years... And she's willing to give her up like that? Surely it has occured to her that our breakup might destroy the chances of adopting her anyway? Her parents would be horrified to never/rarely see this child, they have totally taken her in as their grandchild. Not that I, if I had her, would stop them from seeing her as long as they were ok with me. I consider them family, myself.
It sounds like (the other woman) is forcing her into it, because she never wants her to see me, or have anything to do with me, no connection at all... Which might explain why she ignored the letter in which I said if she continues to lie to me we will not be able to be friends.
Although when I asked yesterday if she read it properly she said no, she was too angry (because I was accusing her of lying).

So.. That was a bit concerning... What next?

The next part seemed to be her trying to explain (again) why nothing has changed- why she hasn't left me yet.
It is hard to understand most of the words (but can get the drift in context) because she is mumbling a bit... Probably heard a noise and is worried that I'm listening... But I did hear, amongst other things
"I understand that but.. its unavoidable... how, how is it avoidable?"
"....she knows..... its been like this two years.... she knows that... She's not stupid... we've been having trouble 2 years...."
"you should be happy that its like that not... annoyed... or... confused... its a good thing, not a bad thing..."
And something about having spoken to her mother about moving in with them if we break up... but she's waiting for their new house to finish being built

Which I've been waiting to hear something about as I heard this was her plan from a friend... I knew it had to come up sometime soon in their conversation because they've had delays with the house.. Its not going to be finished in february as expected... They're not sure how long it will be...
I saw the look on her face when she heard that... She took a deep breath, her eyes bulged a little and she locked her fingers and stretched them back while exhaling... It bothered her much more than it should have...
She must have seen me looking at her because she said later "i hope mom and dads house is finished before (the other woman) gets here so she can stay with them" (obviously I don't want her in our house and from what I hear of her opinion of me, she wouldn't want to be here either).
So whatya think about that?